Everything I dream something goes wrong or is bad, I treat it as a bad omen and start walking on eggshells the whole day. It feels like: I have been warned, hence, I have to be on guard.
Have you ever felt that way?
Last night I was reading Rachel Gibson's 'Run to you' for 5 hours straight and it felt like nothing else existed, all the bad things, never crossed my mind. I went to bed happy with the story in mind.
But the bad dream came and waking up this morning made me realise, I have to go to work again. Probably life is more of a bad dream than my dream itself. I dread dread dread the idea of going to work now.
Let me describe what working is like: hypocritical- regarding the values system, waste of time, very emotional draining, unpleasant, scary- you never know who will take advantage of you or harass you or back stab you. That's all I can think of now.
I guess things are always too good to be true. When this job was first offered to me, I came here, offer was withdrawn because the previous person took back her resignation letter. But it was okay for me anyways. I thought it was rather weird that everyone was so nice. It really felt weird and I was always uncomfortable because this is not real (everyone being nice), I thought maybe this place really have nice people around. Boy was I wrong. It is actually people trying their best to be nice to please people. Trust me, this is scary. It's hard to describe it in words but if someone tries their hardest to be nice and please you, it probably means that something is not right.
There were many clues for me to leave this place and not continue staying on. The lady who previously held the position tried to quit twice. That should be a sign right? I thought it might be just that she couldn't stand it, and maybe I could. Note to self: do not think that you are any different from others.
The stress she felt, the people she dealt with, etc. now I understand. After being here for 6 months, I saw what she saw in just 2 months.
Sometimes, incidences happen to show you what things really are. Mostly bad ones are the ones that teaches us. If something bad happens, that brings out the worse in people and you'll get to see their true character. The face they were trying to hide behind the mask.
I have also finally realised why some companies give out prizes/presents to those who have stuck around for so long. Those people must really have high tolerance level.
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