I didn't realised the last time I blogged was one month ago. A lot happened this past month. A lot happen every single day.
I never knew saving up for a trip can be so satisfying. Even planning for it and booking the hotels and flights are enjoyable. It all feels like this little goals you reach. It makes you feel a step closer to where you want to be, literally.
I have never enjoyed saving money before. I am usually the kind of person who spends every single penny she has. Trying to save wasn't easy. When I thought about going for this trip, I never thought of asking money from my parents. I wanted to go, so I should pay myself. I guess growing up make certain things really shameful to me, like asking your parents for money. Thinking of that just makes me cringe real bad.
Even when I thought of continuing my studies, the first thing that came to mind was that I don't want to use any of my parents money this time.
I used to see these people doing part time jobs in order to pay for their tuition or to get some extra money for travelling or to rely less on their parents. I used to think that it was not something I would do. My studies were too important to be neglected, I want to give my studies my 100% or 100% of my time and energy. I don't want something else to distract me.
But now, I guess I see things differently. Those people are doing part time work because they feel responsible for themselves whereas I felt responsible for my grades. Maybe now, I feel more responsible for myself. I guess maybe I finally graduated from that part of life and what matters to me is different now.
In a way, I am glad. I learn more about myself with each passing day. I learn the reasons behind my actions and the conditions behind my reasons. I understand more about how I work.
So what's my next step in life? I will probably still continue studying, I guess I never stopped. Even now I am studying everyday. Busy learning the Dhamma, doing my practice and learning Japanese language. I might not go for a degree or enter a university anymore but I can still buy books to study or go online to take some courses.
Meanwhile, I'll still do my writing projects so that I can one day publish a book I wrote. And also work to support myself.
What's the future like for me? Who knows? But I guess, I will probably want to travel to Japan again and again to see all of the prefectures and all the seasons. Maybe go to Korea one day.
I guess this life is just enough for me. It's satisfactory. It's me.