When I think about the decisions I have to make, I always have to take them into consideration. Take their feelings into consideration. But this hurts me. Me trying to be considerate makes me dislike them, makes me want to go away.
Can I not care about how they feel?
I have lived a life that I never wanted just to please others. In Philosophy, some people would think that doing something for the benefit of a greater number is the best choice. But deep down I am conflicted. I used to hold onto this kind of beliefs before, but when I live a life like this, I am not living my life.
You're supposed to be like this, or like that. You're not supposed to do this or do that. That's what our society has planted in me. The greater good comes before one's own wishes. Most would say that we are just plain dumb and inexperienced if we disagree with them. And just because they are the authority or they are older than we are, we follow blindly.
Is this the right way to live?
Maybe it is the right way to live to most, but it feels more of a restrain to me. And I am now learning to let go of this responsibility which is not mine to carry and not mine to follow.
I wonder why I was pushed to this. Maybe it was because I did not know who I really am, that's why if people say that I am like this or should be like that, I would just follow.
